Last week I picked up my new contact lenses and I
find I am not seeing as well as I should. So when I received an email yesterday
regarding today’s 10 most common office tattoos, I was very excited. How disappointed I
was to find it described office taboos, not tattoos. Even though NONE of these relate to me, I
thought YOU might be interested.
Poor Hygiene. To keep from smelling, shower and don’t floss, clip
your nails, brush your hair or apply makeup at your desk.
- Poor Health Habits. Wash your hands often, and cough in your elbow.
- Wear Appropriate Clothing.
- Gossip. Don't be the source or instigator of office gossip.
- Email Etiquette. Please, please do not hit "Reply All" unless
you really think it is critical
- Pets. Don't assume that you can bring Fido in without asking first
- Cooking. It is probably not a good idea to cook fish, broccoli or
even microwave popcorn.
- Perfumes and Colognes. More than just a drop is probably too much.
- Cell Phones. For some reason when people answer a call on their
cell phone their voices automatically go up several decibels. And, yes,
you may have a hilarious ring tone, but after the fourth or fifth time
it's just not that funny.
- Undergarments. Undergarments are meant to be "under".
- Mistakes and Goofs. We all make mistakes at work. It is not
necessary to point out your co-workers' goofs to all the other employees.
- Sex Life. Your sexual exploits should be private
- Cursing. Yelling, cursing, screaming should be
directed to your favorite politician, not to your co-workers.
So
today after I came to the office and shared with my co-workers , my evening of
passionate love making, I shoved my boobs back into my blouse and read
the email with the list of office taboos which I simply couldn’t relate
to. I then went into the bathroom and
sat in the sink and bathed. Forgetting my cologne, I just used air
freshener to give myself a fresh scent. I cleaned the toothpaste residue
off my desk along with my clipped nail remains and wisps of hair that fell
out due to my advancing age. I wiped my diseased hands on the last tax
return I processed before putting on my lipstick which fell into the
shredder. Then I sent an email to everyone I know to tell them about my new
pet dog that I named "Schmoozer" who pooped on my foot and then
attacked my boss. But I was able to release his grasp as I had just
cooked cabbage and the smell made him faint (the dog, not my boss). As
the day progressed, I made damn sure I pointed out all the mistakes everyone
had made. Now I’m off to get a tattoo.
