My NEW Year's Resolutions

2015.  Add the numbers together, subtract 2, add 100, multiply by 4, divide by 8 and you get a number that represents a year in my life I don’t even remember.  Now, take 2014 ….yes, take 2014, take it, take it, take it already.  I am giving it to you because it wasn’t one of my better ones.  So, before starting 2015, in order to make it one to remember, I have decided to share my New Year’s Resolutions so if I forget, at least I can ask you to remind me.  In all sincerity, here they are:

1:            Change my underwear once a week whether I need to or not (let's hear it for
                retirement)

2:            Shave my underarms so the one remaining hair doesn’t extend down my side

3:            Sell my condo…….although I probably have a better chance of selling a condom than my
               condo but a girl can hope and pray and plead and beg and just cry.  To prevent such an
               occurrence, just send me a check for $379,000 and I’ll send you the keys to your dream
               home and I can get rid of my nightmare

4:            Stop backing into cars with mine so as to prevent the continual $250 deductible that
               could buy such things as underarm razors
 

5:            Stop offering to show off my radiated breast which became a daily procedure for 6
               weeks and is now a habit I can't seem to break

6:            Remember things, stuff, people’s names, faces, addresses, pickleball scores, directions,
               appointments, basic things relating to daily living, stuff, people’s names, faces,
               addresses, pickelball scores, direction, appointments…..I really have to work on this one

 7:           Stop reading books I have already read, seem familiar but can’t stop reading until I
                remember who “dun it” which doesn’t occur until the last page at which time I exclaim
                “I knew I read this book before!” and proceed to forget what I just read.

8:            Be thankful every day for every day……………………that I can show my radiated breast to
               someone (some habits are hard to break)

9:            Lose weight…………..believe Santa is real, fly away with Peter Pan, invite the boogie man
               under my bed to dinner and other fantasies that are as likely to happen as losing weight

10:          Work on brain exercises so I don’t have to make lists, one of which I have in front of me
                that lists working on brain exercises so I don’t have to make lists but without the list in
                front of me I won’t remember to work on brain exercises. 

11:          Move again  ……hey, it’s been 6 years and the ink is beginning to dry in your address
                book

12:          Tell my friends and family who have supported me these past 3 years since Mark died
                and through the last 5 months of cancer treatments how much I love and cherish them
                with all my heart and with my radiated breast.

 

The list which I am trying not to make any more given my brain exercises which should help me remember not to make lists is done for 2015 or as I like to call it “53”, the year I can’t remember.  So good buy 2014, may you be rear ended by a car (probably mine) and be forgotten, which could happen any minute now.  Happy New Year!