When was the last time you had one of these? Well, honestly, I don’t care because this is about me and my latest one. It’s not about a man or a woman or a child. It’s not about food or politics or religion. It’s about something important-- something that is vital to my life (LOVE) but depressing each time it happens (HATE). Yes, you guessed it. I have a love/hate relationship with my yoga/pilates class.
It’s a short story that I will make longer if you don’t mind because I have to fill up the page. It all started with my breast cancer (HATE). My daughter who LOVES yoga was here for the surgery (HATE) and I decided I would take her to a yoga/pilates class at my gym. Being the wonderful mother I am (LOVE), I took the class as well. I actually really liked the class and realized how good it was for my health (LOVE). But during these classes, depression sets in. I could use medication to feel better, but I would rather gripe to you and just list what I HATE.
1) There are mirrors. Fine for those who look good but not so good for me who looks like Sponge Bob’s mother.
2) The Warrior I position reminds me that I haven’t shaved my underarms for a week or more. You’d think I would take care of that before the next class but you would be wrong because so many of the positions cause the blood to rush to my head and make me dizzy.
3) The Warrior II position should be called the Chicken as my waddling underarms swing to and fro as I point forwards and backwards throwing me off balance. Thus why when I put my mat down, no one wants to be near me for fear of a collision or two or three or more.
4) The Warrior III position….well, I can hardly even talk about this one. Standing on one foot with your arms out and your leg extended backwards. I’m sure I saw this position in a Kama Sutra book. I might have even tried it in my younger days.
5) The pigeon position is a bunch of poop in my opinion. You are supposed to bend your knee at an angle that is unnatural and then rest your torso on it. Once in position, I have to call 911 to get me out of it. It takes a village.
6) The fold position is not difficult, just depressing. You stand with your feel together and then bend forward. In this position, I am seeing all kinds of things I prefer not to see….sagging knees, ugly veins, misshapen toes, hairy legs (see item #2 for explanation why this continues to be the case) to name a few.
7) Any position that needs a sense of balance. The only thing I can balance these days is my checkbook and that only happens occasionally. And then when you have to balance and then lift one or more appendages off the ground, the thud you hear and occasional cursing is always coming from the very back corner where I am hiding.
8) The Pilates Bridge position. This is where you lie on your back, bend your knees and hike yourself up onto your shoulders so you can have a perfect view of your breasts falling to each side of your chest. Yea, can't have enough of that!
9) The Pilates Happy Baby Pose is where you lie on your back, bend your knees in the air and grab your big toes. This pose should be called the Happy Husband pose and for sure it is the Kama Sutra Book.
10) I LOVE All Pilates poses where you have to sit on the floor with your feet in front of you and then ease yourself backwards until you are flat on the floor. What I HATE is trying to raise yourself up. That kind of grunting and groaning should be saved for the bathroom.
What I LOVE about yoga/pilates.
1) Child’s pose. Easy to get into and out of and you don’t see anything in between.
2) Final relaxation pose. I get to close my eyes and not be afraid of toppling over.
3) Rolling up my mat.
Sadly, this Love/Hate relationship is doomed to continue because the result is better flexibility (LOVE) but the process is depressing (HATE…see above 1-10). And so it goes.