When Disposable
Gloves don’t mean you are in for a rectal exam
When discussing
Roots is not about the classic book, but is about your classic scalp
When three
Squares a day isn’t about meals, but is about the amount of toilet paper you
use at each bathroom event
When my
credit card bill shows no charges other than groceries
When I see
my real fingernails for the first time as they appear from under the remains of
my acrylic ones
When you can
only appreciate the price of gas from the comfort of your home
When making
sure you are protected has nothing to do with sex
When the
words “Instacart” and “Zoom” are your mostly commonly used words on Words with
Friends
When “Binging”
has more to do with TV than drinking ( or not)
When
touching your face gets you arrested
When Dr.
Faucci is looking kinda sexy
When the
phrase “let it all hang out” relates to your bra in the drawer. (I’m not providing the male version of this
phrase!)
When you’re
not insulted when your loved ones say “Stay At Home!”
When becoming
a vegan is a real possibility
When you’ve
worn a trail in your carpet from reaching your 10,000 steps daily
So, grab
your gloves, dye your hair while you pull the 3 squares of tp while watching
sexy Faucci say “Stay At Home”. Then eat
your beans and walk the carpet trail while fantasizing about pumping cheap gas bra-less. That’s all for today. I must get back to “Words with Friends” after
I am paroled for touching my face.
