The Daddy of All Mistakes

I am a proud graduate of The University of Texas at Austin (Hookem Horns).  I am also proud to say I worked on the PR for the opening of The Lyndon Johnson Library.  So, you can imagine my embarrassment when I read that the 2012 graduation program from my alma mater was printed as follows:  “The Lyndon B. Johnson School of Pubic Affairs”.

 

So, that got me to scratching….I mean thinking.   Certainly John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, and so many others can claim they had pubic affairs.   But of all of the crazy mistakes I have made in my life, I can say with certainty that I would never make such a blatant spelling error.   Not when I helped create pubic legislation in my political days.  Nor when I went pubic with Mark’s proposal of marriage.  Not when I checked out the pubic financing of our local politicians at our local pubic library, nor when I have chosen to take pubic transportation when my car broke down. There is nothing worse than pubic humiliation. You know I love a little pubicity, but sometimes you just get too much pubic attention. 

 

So, beware of making mistakes that will haunt you for the rest of your pubic life.  I know I will.

Can You Hear Me Now?

                   

This getting old thing is REALLY getting old!  I’ve come to accept the drooping ass, boobs, arm flesh, eyelids and what used to be called my abs which is now a shelf for my dinner plate.  But now I just read that even one’s voice starts to sound “old” as we age.  It seems as you climb the hill of voice destruction you develop breathiness (I like to think of it as sexy), weakness and loss of range (I know exactly where my stove is located).  All of this is called “aging of the larynx”.  And all this time I thought that was an endangered animal.

So, what’s an aging larynx to do?  The experts say collagen injections can plump thinning vocal cords.   Great, they want to fatten up the only part of my body that is thin.  Forget about it!  I have my own solution.  From now on I plan to scream instead of talking in my mild manner way.  I even plan to scream in my emails and at the recorded messages from politicians (especially them!). 

The article I read continued saying that a focus group reported that older voices sound “doddery”, “vague” and “rambling”.    Hey, I planned on being “doddery”, “vague” and “rambling” when I turn 105, but I have no intention of having my voice go along with it.  I promise to do my best to keep my voice Sexy, and always to know where my stove is at all times.  As for the endangered larynx, he’s on his own.