Can You Hear Me Now?

                   

This getting old thing is REALLY getting old!  I’ve come to accept the drooping ass, boobs, arm flesh, eyelids and what used to be called my abs which is now a shelf for my dinner plate.  But now I just read that even one’s voice starts to sound “old” as we age.  It seems as you climb the hill of voice destruction you develop breathiness (I like to think of it as sexy), weakness and loss of range (I know exactly where my stove is located).  All of this is called “aging of the larynx”.  And all this time I thought that was an endangered animal.

So, what’s an aging larynx to do?  The experts say collagen injections can plump thinning vocal cords.   Great, they want to fatten up the only part of my body that is thin.  Forget about it!  I have my own solution.  From now on I plan to scream instead of talking in my mild manner way.  I even plan to scream in my emails and at the recorded messages from politicians (especially them!). 

The article I read continued saying that a focus group reported that older voices sound “doddery”, “vague” and “rambling”.    Hey, I planned on being “doddery”, “vague” and “rambling” when I turn 105, but I have no intention of having my voice go along with it.  I promise to do my best to keep my voice Sexy, and always to know where my stove is at all times.  As for the endangered larynx, he’s on his own.