You Know You've Been Home Bound Too Long

When Disposable Gloves don’t mean you are in for a rectal exam

When discussing Roots is not about the classic book, but is about your classic scalp

When three Squares a day isn’t about meals, but is about the amount of toilet paper you use at each bathroom event

When my credit card bill shows no charges other than groceries

When I see my real fingernails for the first time as they appear from under the remains of my acrylic ones

When you can only appreciate the price of gas from the comfort of your home

When making sure you are protected has nothing to do with sex

When the words “Instacart” and “Zoom” are your mostly commonly used words on Words with Friends

When “Binging” has more to do with TV than drinking ( or not)

When touching your face gets you arrested

When Dr. Faucci is looking kinda sexy

When the phrase “let it all hang out” relates to your bra in the drawer.  (I’m not providing the male version of this phrase!)

When you’re not insulted when your loved ones say “Stay At Home!”

When becoming a vegan is a real possibility

When you’ve worn a trail in your carpet from reaching your 10,000 steps daily

So, grab your gloves, dye your hair while you pull the 3 squares of tp while watching sexy Faucci say “Stay At Home”.  Then eat your beans and walk the carpet trail while fantasizing about pumping cheap gas bra-less.  That’s all for today.  I must get back to “Words with Friends” after I am paroled for touching my face.