Blah, Blah, Blah, Blob

After my last post, someone wrote that they enjoyed my latest “blob”.  At first I thought they must mean “blog”.  But then I started thinking about all the blobs in my past and present life and thought perhaps she knew something I forgot about (not a hard concept to embrace).  So, I thought back…way back….before computers, but after electricity.

I realized to my dismay that I actually dated a number of “blobs” along with a smattering of Bobs, Richards, Mikes, Davids, Jeffs, Marks, Jims, Rons, Eds, and a whole lot of faces I recall but names that I don’t.  It’s all a big blob now.

Then there were the awful teenage blobs that crop up on your face as one’s hormone levels race up and down.  No matter how hard you tried to rid yourself of one blob, 2 more would crop up usually right in the middle of your forehead, nose or chin.  Or if you were like me, all 3 at one time.

At this age, I have just one large blob on the back of my neck from hunching forward too much trying to shovel food into my mouth.  Some call it a hump. Take your pick.  Hump, blob, it’s all demoralizing.  And just so my neck blob doesn’t feel lonely, I have added thigh blobs, tummy blobs and underarm blobs.  Here a blob, there a blob, everywhere a blob blob.

And the worst blobs of present are our presidential blob hopefuls.  When I turn on the television, all I can hear is blah, blah, blah, blob.  It’s a blob eat blob world out there and the blobs seem to be winning.

So join me in my crusade to rid ourselves of the blobs.  Send this message to 10,000 people and ask them all to send me $5 a piece.  Hey, if politicians can have Super PACS, I can have a Super BLOB.  Soon I will be known as the BlobMeister, the Blobinator, one of the Blobashians, the Blob & 8 makes 9, J Blob, Snoop Blob, Puff Blobby or perhaps Ms Blob USA .  Hold the applause please and just send the money. 

OMG….. perhaps my friend really did mean “blog”?  Sorry.  Ignore this blob…I mean blog.  But you don’t have to ignore the part where you can still have your 10,000 friends send me money!   Power to the Super BLOBBER!

Thumbthings to Consider

So, I went to the orthopedist to find out why my thumb was not working properly and was told that I have texting thumb, even though I don’t text much.  My problem comes from crocheting too much.  So I guess you could say I have crotch thumb. Not only does it hurt, but it prevents me from accomplishing many tasks.  Let me list them (cause you know how I love my lists).

• Since I can’t use my thumb when I hitchhike, I have to expose my leg which is a bit unattractive with my knee high hose engorged under my kneecap.  Sadly, my thumb is the sexiest part of my body.
• No more sucking of the thumb.  I tried using my big toe, but pulled out my back in the process.
•  Have you ever tried pulling your pants up without the use of your thumb?  Not a pretty site.  You think you have it made and then they slide back down again.  Although I would still have problems even if I had 10 thumbs. It’s getting the damn things over the hips that is the obstacle. I am working on training my pants to jump up, but I haven’t found the right incentive yet.  Maybe I could train my big toe to help cause it obviously isn’t doing anything right now.
• Try and latch a necklace without the use of your thumb.  If I can get one on, I can’t get it off.  And without someone to help, I now have 18 necklaces on and can’t lift my head up straight due to the weight. 
• Forget about buttons.  If I can’t pull it over my head or pull it up, it doesn’t go on my body.  I have been known to have to sleep in my clothes and my coat.  The EMT’s just laugh at me and 911 won’t answer my calls any longer.
• This ailment hasn’t affected my driving.  I don’t use my hands for that anyway.
• You might think my typing would be affected since you need a thumb to depress the space bar.  But I’m Jewish, so I just use my nose.  And then, I still have that unemployed big toe as a possibility.
• No more “thumbs up” for me when something goes right.  The only finger that someone recognizes instantly is my middle finger and somehow I don’t get the same response when I smile and say “atta girl/guy” and give them that finger. 
• I can’t hold my toothbrush so I just don’t brush my teeth anymore. Tried using the big toe again, but fell on the floor and you don’t want to know where the toothbrush ended up.

Well, my big toe, back and thumb are all throbbing now  (not to mention where my toothbrush ended up), so I’ll end my list and say “atta girl/guy for reading my blog.  I’m sending you a big smile and giving you Maxine’s version of a “thumbs up”.