Sunday, October 16, 2016

My Memory Foam Mattress Has Dementia

I am saddened to announce that my Memory Foam Mattress is showing signs of early dementia.  It’s been coming on slowly, but last night when I expected my mattress (I call him Matt) to couch me in sublime comfort, instead Matt seemed confused.  Where I typically sink into the softness, Matt pushed back, dipping where I billow and billowing where I dip. And what’s worse, I count on Matt to be my backup memory on so many things (when you pay big bucks for a memory foam mattress you expect more than just a good night’s sleep).  Like how many times did I get up at night?  How many times did I sweat through my nightie? When did I last wash my sheets?  Did I pee while I was sleeping? How many times did I call out a man’s name, and what was the name of the man...please remember what was the name of the man?

Matt and I have seen some good times….times I don’t remember but expected Matt to remember for me.  But things have changed.  Now I spend my time with Matt doing Fit Brain and other memory-enhancing apps.   I show Matt pictures of when he was just a little bunch of chemicals and when he grew into spongy foam, trying to bring back memories from his inception.   I don’t know if any of my efforts will work, so I’ve had to come up with Plan O.

Plan O stands for my little grandson, Ori.  He, too, is spongy and I love when he sinks into my loving arms.  I am counting on him to remember the sweetest moments we share together, remembering my laughter, my tears of joy, my total and complete love for him.  I can’t wait until he is old enough to spend the night at my house. And hey, if he can remember the names of any of the men I call out at night...any of them at all...then who needs a memory foam anyway?


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  2. We need a picture of Ori!! And, as usual, your posts bring a big smile if not outright uproarious laughter!
    Keep on Stalking!

  3. Hilarious!!!! We all need a Memory Foam Mattress...or Better Yet, a Adorable Little Ori to Snuggle With..Night or Day!
    Love Your Stalking!!!

  4. Dear Matt,

    I have a carrot for you: Yom Kippur just passed and you don’t want to hold onto your guilt for a full year. That’s a mighty long time to remember to ask for forgiveness. Better to get your act together now.

    I also have a stick for you: if Trump wins you could find yourself being deported. One look at the origin of your materials and manufacturing location (it’s on the damn tag that says “Not be removed except by consumer”) and, well, off you go. Not even Ori’s soft arms can keep you in the land of the (memory) free (foam) and the home of the (draft dodging Donald) brave.

    Shanah Tovah!

  5. I have recent memories of your memory foam mattress: sinking,sinking, until I didn't find any support. It's a sad situation when Matt rejects you because he didn't remember you. So I found more support on The couch. I remember that I had a great night's sleep on it.So that night be called a couch memory.

  6. I love your humor you are an amazing woman. Thanks for the update
    Hugs Lillian and Taj

  7. Love your humor. Keep us updated.
    Lillian and Taj

  8. Like any old computer, it sounds like your memory foam mattress is running out of memory space and you might need to buy some more RAM for your sleep. I have a memory foam mattress, and lucky for me it still has its wits about it and can recall all of my sleep comfort needs. I'm sure one day I, too, will need to upgrade.